Overcoming Self-Doubt & Insecurities
Insecurities can stem from anywhere. Growing up, I was insecure about anything and everything. Terrified to ask a question in class for fear of saying something stupid, my looks, my weight, boys, family, the future etc… Every single person has struggled with insecurities, it is part of who we are. The funny thing about insecurities is that they are invisible. They are only visible to the person who actually has them - think about that for a minute….
Confidence has no co-relation to insecurities and feeling insecure. Overall I am quite a calm and confident person, but like everyone I get those little voices in the back of my head whispering and sometimes shouting at me, making me doubt myself, the person I am and the things I do. Sometimes, I feel like I am 15 again and just want to run and hide away under the covers in my room until it is safe to come out again.
Where do the feelings of self-doubt come from?
For me, insecurity starts to flourish when I make a mistake. I tend to catastrophize the situation and beat myself up over and over again. This mistake can be so minor that no-one has even noticed except me but my mind will run rampant and this will start to snowball into feelings of extreme self-doubt and vulnerability in all aspects of my life. I know it may sound a tad dramatic but that is my process. The mind is a wild place if you let it be.
I have friends that feel this way about their weight, others who get like this around relationships, public speaking, family,food, their job etc…. we all have uncertainty in different parts of our lives.
These negative feelings can also come from social media. Overall, you are seeing a snapshot of the best part of someones life. Social Media is an incredibly innovate and positive tool but also has a dark side to it. It has exacerbated peoples insecurities…… but we all know this.
Tips for Overcoming Insecurity’s;.
Forgive past criticisms: Most of our insecurities stem from our childhood. If your insecurities have been shaped by a relative or authority figure criticizing you, recognize this. Then start to forgive them. Understand that they were driven by their own insecurities, struggling with their own demons. They behave imperfectly, but we all do. It’s time to move on and let go of the past.
Embrace non-comparison - Focus on being the best you can be. Be happy that people/peers/social media friends are having fun, be joyful for their successes. They’re on a completely different path from you, and they can be happy and have a great time and you can too, on your own path. Wish everyone well, but see their awesomeness as different from yourself
Practice self-approval. If you notice yourself wanting someone else’s approval, their praise and attention, their likes and retweets … pause, and instead replace that with self-approval. You can take away the power of others to approve you if you appropriate that power for yourself. You don’t need anyone else’s approval but your own. Accept yourself completely and love yourself.
Help Others. It is incredible how your perspective can shift when you are helping those less fortunate than yourself. All of a sudden the insecure thoughts turn around and are quickly replaced more often than not by gratitude.
Develop trust in the moment. This really helped me especially when it comes to teaching a class or public speaking. Through all these practices, start to develop a trust in yourself that you will be OK. Develop a trust in the moment that it will unfold and all will be well. This develops over time, by making small predictions about the moment (“This moment will turn out OK”) and then seeing if the prediction comes true.
I hope this helped you, I know writing it down helped me!
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